What The Hell Is Up With The Teachers?
by meenyrocks
Summary: The teachers have gone a bit mad. How? Well you have to read to find out, so that the surprise isn't spoilt. Clue: it's a songfic! Rating only because I'm not sure about further chapters. (I've changed the title, because it's no longer a one-shot. However
1. Eyes On You

**A/N:You know what? I though that this was a great idea at first. And as usual, I've ended up deciding that I hate the way I've written it-but that is till like the plot. It was going to be a really short snappy one-shot, with the students' comments being after each verse. And it wasn't going to carry on. But now I think it might. It might not. That is why your feedback is VERY important, k guys?**

**Not hugely well written-but the other stuff apart from the song isn't really imp, so that's why. Does this suck, or is it me? Well I've spent one hour, and I'm tired and I just want to put it up. **

**Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter, or Jay Sean's "Eyes on You". (Love it though!) **

**Setting: After OOTP. It's Christmas day at Hogwarts. Everyone's gone home for the holidays, apart from Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Crabbe, and a few other minor characters who won't be mentioned. Oh and of course, the teachers...very crucial to this story... You'll see what I mean...evil grin**

It was a pretty normal Christmas day. Everyone's had been enjoying their delicious Christmas dinner. Harry and his friends were on a table talking to each other, ignoring Draco (who probably didn't really have much of a home to go to now, with his father being in Azkaban and all), and his fellow Slytherins, who were sitting on a separate table. On another table was a mixed group of young Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Oh, and let's not forget the teachers.

Just as Ron and Ginny were telling the others about Fred and George's condo in Florida (their business had been a major success and their enterprise had expanded so that they now owned shops in several countries), they found themselves interrupted when they saw Dumbledore get up from his seat when he was only partly through his meal. Everyone gazed up at him, looking surprised. They were even more surprised to see him conjure a stage with a microphone for himself.

Then, to shock everyone further, he began to sing.

(Whoa-whoaaa)

"What the... what the hell is he up to?" harry said, looking more confused than ever.

You can tell ya girl'friends 'bout me

"My girl'friends?" Hermione whispered. "Why would I tell my girlfriends about him?!"

It's about time to get dirty

"Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!" everyone shrieked unanimously.

Know I wanna work that body

Ron turned pale. "God please don't tell me he means mine!"

Come work it over here

Ginny's face now matched that of her elder brother's "I really don't want to..."

You can be my brown eyed beauty

Harry instantly perked up. "Yes! He can't mean me!"

Every student with brown eyes stared at each other in a panic.

And I bet u see right through me

"I don't think anyone knows what the hell's going on with you at the moment, mate..." Ron muttered.

You can do anything to me

Oh-ohh

You're so beautiful tonight

Draco flicked his hair with a smirk on his face."Well, aren't I always? But wait-I don't have brown eyes!"Almost instantly he began to pout.

Anything is possible

"I think you're beautiful...." Crabbe whispered.

Everyone stared.

"Uhhh...." Crabbe stuttered as he tried to get the words out. "I gotta do some homework!" And with that, he ran out of the hall.

But y'know i just can't get enough of your love..

"I know I haven't been showing him any love..." Draco muttered. "Stupid mudblood-loving fool..."

So give it up

"Who the hell is he on about?" Ginny wondered.

Got my eyes on you

Hermione looked panicky now. "Okay that's creepy. Please don't tell me that he means me!"

Won't you bring that back to me

Got my eyes on you

Y'know where i'm gonna be

"Yeah, in your office," Harry replied.

"You would know, the amount of times you run off to him," Ron muttered.

"Whatever, you just pissed 'cos it could be you that he's talking about!" he retorted, after giving Ron a very dirt look.

Got my eyes on you

And I see you checkin' me

"No way! I so haven't been "checkin" him!" Ron almost yelled.

Got my eyes on you

Ooh-oooo

And I like what i see

Hold on....

Hold on....

You can tell anyone about it

"I haven't got anything to tell! Honestly!" Hermione came out with, looking very guilty at the same time.

Though we don't have to hide it

Come and get a little bit excited

"Ewwww!!!!" the guys yelled.

Excited over here

"Ewwww!!!!" the girls yelled.

Don't stop baby no don't stop

"Dumbledore's saying baby! Why's he saying baby?! Why?! WHY?!!!!!" Ron was getting very stressed out now.

I know you really like it when you're on top

Don't be shy just give it up

C'mon girl...

"Ha!" the guys yelled.

"Oh crap!" shouted the girls.

You're so beautiful tonight anything is possible

But y'know i just can't get enough

Of your love... so give it up

Got my eyes on you

Won't you bring that back to me

Got my eyes on you

Y'know where I'm gonna be

Got my eyes on you

And i see you checkin' me

Got my eyes on you

Ooh-oooo

And I like what I see

Hold on.......

Oh-oh Oh-oh

Your body's whining

(Oh-oh Oh-oh)

Bumpin' and grindin'

"Nasty images! Nasty images!" Hermione shrieked.

(Oh-oh Oh-oh)

Stop and rewindin'

(Oh-oh Oh-oh)

Hold on.......

(Oh-oh Oh-oh)

Gettin' you hot now

"Who? WHO?!" Ginny exclaimed.

(Oh-oh Oh-oh)

Baby don't stop now

(Oh-oh Oh-oh)

Got you all hot now

(Oh-oh Oh-oh)

Hold on.......

Got my eyes on you

Won't you bring that back to me

Got my eyes on you

Y'know where I'm gonna be

Got my eyes on you

And i see you checkin' me

Got my eyes on you

Ooh-oooo

And I like what I see

"When will the madness cease?! When?! WHEN?!!" Hermione was highly stressed at this point, and therefore failed to notice the obvious.

"Err... it's stopped Mione," Ron said very slowly, not wanting to aggravate her any further.

"Oh..."

The Harry saw something that shocked him more than seeing Lord Voldemort rise again. "Oh. My. God."

"What?!" No one else had spotted yet what was upsetting Harry so much.

"Look!"

Everyone turned around to see Dumbledore returning to his seat, and see him stare meaningfully at....

"McGonagall?!" Ginny yelled.

"Huh?" As usual, Ron was very slow on the uptake, and hadn't understand what every was so stressed about yet.

"Look! She's blushing!"

"Why?" Ron asked, still clueless. Poor idiot.

Everyone gave Ron a look.

Finally the realization of what had just happened hit him. "Ohhhh...."

Harry groaned. "Even Malfoy catches on quicker than you!"

Draco smirked, then frowned. "Hey!"

"Oh. My. God.!" Hermione shrieked.

"What?"

"Look at Snape!!" Hermione exclaimed.

"He's getting up to the stage now!!" Ron said, dumbstruck.

Then Harry asked the question that was on everyone's minds.

"What the hell is up with our teachers?"

**A/N: So what do you think? Should I leave it? Or add more chapters? Cos I can do both easily. Let me know, so that I know what to call it, and how to put the summary. **


	2. Crazy

"What the hell?" Harry exclaimed, looking shocked. "Don't tell me that Snape is going to sing a song!"

But alas it was true. Snape grabbed hold of the magical microphone, took a deep breath, and started to sing.

The students held their breath as they waited to see what he would sing.

And then it started…

Baby, I'm so into you

Everyone who had grown up in the muggle world couldn't believe their ears.

"Is that….is that what I think it is?" Hermione whispered.

"It can't be…" Harry muttered.

"What is it?" Ron demanded in a panic.

You've got that something, what can I do

Snape flicked his hair, and they could see the grease shine as it caught the light.

Baby, you spin me around, oh  
The earth is movin, but I can't feel the ground

"It is!" Hermione exclaimed.

"What!" yelled the students who were unfamiliar to muggle music.

Everytime you look at me  
My heart is jumpin, it's easy to see  
Loving you means so much more  
More than anything I ever felt before

"It's…Britney Spears!"

Ron looked very confused. "Let me get this straight…Snape's singing a song... by a blond bimbo?"

"Yep…." Hermione sighed.

Ginny frowned. "What the hell is up with him?"

You drive me crazy  
I just can't sleep  
I'm so excited, I'm in too deep  
Crazy, but it feels alright  
Baby thinkin of you keeps me up all night

"Is it just me or is Snape using the word baby just so wrong?"

Harry remarked.

"It's definitely not just you mate," Ron replied. "In fact, it's

not just wrong'; it's also downright disturbing…"

Tell me, you're so into me  
That I'm the only one you will see

'Bloody hell," Ron muttered.

Tell me I'm not in the blue, oh  
That I'm not wastin  
My feelins on you

Loving you means so much more  
More than anything I ever felt before

At this point, Draco turned around and glared at Ron. "You filthy mudblood-lover!" Harry didn't think he'd ever seen Draco look so angry before. "Don't' you dare insult him again!"

And with that he turned around so that he was facing Snape again with a look of admiration in his eyes.

You drive me crazy  
I just can't sleep  
I'm so excited, I'm in too deep  
Crazy, but it feels alright  
Baby thinkin of you keeps me up all night

"What the hell was that about?" Ginny asked with in confusion.

"Dunno," Harry replied with a shrug.

Crazy, I just can't sleep  
I'm so excited, I'm in too deep  
Crazy, but it feels alright  
Every day and every night

Hermione rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Honestly, I can't believe how dense you all are."

"What?" Her friends asked.

You drive me crazy  
I just can't sleep

"Isn't it obvious?" she replied.

I'm so excited, I'm in too deep

Still she got nothing from the others.

Crazy, but it feels alright  
Baby thinkin of you keeps me up all night

She sighed heavily. Honestly, she was just about at her wit's end with this lot. "Draco. Likes. Snape," spelling it out to them slowly.

You drive me crazy  
I just can't sleep

"No!" they all exclaimed.

I'm so excited, I'm in too deep  
Crazy, but it feels alright  
Baby thinkin of you keeps me up all night  
Baby thinkin of you keeps me up all night

"Yes!" Hermione yelled, feeling so annoyed that she failed to notice that the song had stopped and that the Hall was silent again. "Draco fancies Snape!"

Everyone stared at her, absolutely gob smacked. Draco stared at her, before running out in tears. Snape jumped off the stage to follow Draco, but not before turning around to face Hermione and hiss, "100 points from Gryffindor!" Then he ran out of the Hall to catch up with Draco, leaving all the Gryffindor members to give Hermione the dirtiest looks they could muster.

"It's not my fault that they didn't understand…." She mumbled.

Still everyone glared at her.

"Umm…look! Look at who's getting up now!" she desperately tried to divert their attention.

Ron laughed. "Yeah Hermione like we're dumb enough to fall for that…."

Ginny shook her head. "No Ron she's right! Look!"

They all turned around and gasped.

**A/N: Who's next? No idea. Lol. Will think of something. Any ideas of yours would be highly useful though. Same with the title. Was thinking "Hogwarts: A Musical"-but that gives a different message doesn't it? Maybe something related a bit to it? I know I want to put a song by a rap artist in this-not sure when. Oooo and some metal/rock too. Summat like Blink 182…. Ideas v welcome!!!!**

**Ooo i have idea for Trelawney! Will probably do it next chappie. Ideas still VERY welcome though! (eg can't think if one for Hagrid. Maybe "Who Let The Dogs Out?")**

**Review!**


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